Guess who drove 2 1/2 hours yesterday to Springfield?

This girl did.

So heres what I had planned:
I was going to go to Springfield this weekend and lay everything out there, do the whole romantic movie thing and do everything i could to get him back. But then he called me Monday night and I've became really worried about him. So I woke up Tuesday, got dressed, packed a bag just in case, got in my car and drove. I went down there because i was worried about him and wanted to see him, and I thought he might like a visit. I went back in forth in my head on weither i should try and get him back, and I was going to do it....but i didnt.

I brought it up while we were talking just to see what he would say, and he said it would have made everything akward and he eventually said it wouldnt be the right time. So I had apparently missed it. To me honest, i thought just me showing up spur of the moment would have been really romantic, but i guess it wasnt. Sure I had played out in my head that maybe he would come running to me and kiss me or something, but I knew that wouldnt happen. He ended up leaving around 8:30 to go to this study group with the club he is in....and i drove 2 1/2 hours back home.

Luckily, he was really suprised and liked the visit. When i left I felt a super embarrased and dumb, but he said I shouldnt be and that it was really nice to see me. I was also embarrased thinking he might ask me to stay the night... but I didnt tell him that.

I just cant believe that that was it, nothing happened. But I did want to make sure he was ok, I care about him to much not to.

Really...nothing yet?

I cant believe I havent heard from you yet....I seriously thought I would have heard from you by now....but no nothing. No call, no text, not even a message on facebook or messenger.

I'm dieing to talk to you, i figured you would be too. Who knows maybe you are, i just thought you would actually talk to someone if your dieing to do it and if you miss them and love them.

I'm sure some people are thinking why dont you just talk to him? Well I feel like its's his turn to talk to me. But it seriously driving me crazy that he hasnt said anything to me.

I cant help but think thats he is ok. That him telling me that he was going to miss me, crying and saying he's never going to see me again was all an act, that he was actually happy for me to be gone. I'm sure he's not ok, but i still have these thoughts in my head. I'm also driving myself crazy wondering what he is doing, who's he with, whats he thinking?

I know with time it will pass....but i seriously have lost the love of my life and my best friend. I want him back more than anyone knows. I really dont think i'm going to find anyone as good as him, i feel like if we never get back together that i'll have to settle on someone who's 2nd best.

I'm sorry for all this sappy sad stuff, but i'm afraid this is all everyone going to get for awhile.

Fucking nightmare.

So i think i might have made a mistake in moving back home. Now i really feel like I should have stayed in Springfield and gotten an apartment and just thoughed out the rest of the year.

Dont you think that if your daughter was moving back home that you would get the spare room cleared out and ready for her before she got home? But no, I had to make them do it finally.

And another thing is I dont feel at home. I have felt so uncomfortable and not welcome. My parents haven't been get along very well (I'll just leave it at that), so it hasnt been the best week so far. I dont know how much longer I can take it

Chelsey if you were serious about getting an apartment sometime in the future, i might just take you up on that offer.

I'm super worried about Kenny. Unlike some break up's i dont hate my ex (since we didnt break up on bad terms). I checked on him yesterday to see how he was doing, he said he wasnt doing very good so I'm sure he's still not doing the best. I want to be there for him so bad, i wish he would call or text me. But I feel like I've talked to him to much so I should let him talk to me this time.

UGH!

Hello Union.

Well....here I am, back in Union. I wish i could say home sweet home, but not so much.

I feel really uncomfortable in my own house. I cant stand it. I guess I had made home in Springfield, but now thats gone.

I had to say goodbye lastnight, and that was the worst and hard thing I have ever done. Walking away hurt more than anything.

I dont have a room here yet. I thought my parents would have gotten it ready before I came home, but nope. I'm in the spare room where theres so many things in the room you can hardly walk.

I miss even more now that I am 2 1/2 hours away. I'm miserable, and I think I will be for awhile.

The worst feeling in the world...

is a broken heart.

So I may not be writting for awhile. My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up Thursday officially.

I have decided to move back to my home town. I dont have any friends here in Springfield, the only one I have will be moving back to our hometown in December. If I had friends here I would stay and get my own apartment....and hopefully rekindle things with Kenny. I want to stay here more than anything to see if we could still patch things up, honestly i think we would if I stayed. But unfortunatly, i cant do this alone. I would be miserable by myself because i know Kenny and I wouldnt be seeing much of each other for awhile.

I'm not quitting school, but i do think I'm going to take a semester off and start back up next fall at UMSL in St. Louis.

So I made up my mind about moving back pretty quickly but i feel like it's the best thing. And I've talked to quite a bit of people who think this would be the right thing for me to do too.

I'm not giving up on Kenny and I....theres no way i can. Deep down I know that he is the one, I just hope someday he realizes the same thing....but i can only hope.

Halloween is over

Well of course, Halloween is over so it's time to change my layout, which i have. So I put up a Thanksgiving one or course!

This is me in my costume, It doesnt show everything but its the only picture i have:

Halloween was kind of a dissapointment. The pub crawl wasnt as fun as it was last year and we couldnt find anything to do after. Sunday was fun though, we did a scavanger hunt with some of our friends, but i ended up screwing up the end of the night.

So it's almost time to register for spring classes, i'm actually really suprised at how fast the semester has been going by. I've already got my classes picked out, so here they are: Political Sociology, Social Movements, Statistics, Survey of Astronomy (i think). From my calculations I only have to take 12 credit hours my last 2 semesters.

This last month has been a rough one. I'm not going into to details but I'll just say it hasnt been the best.

Hollister started playing Christmas music last week. It pissed me off because I hate how early they are playing the music now. It makes me upset because I do like Christmas music, but i like to hear it at Christmas time, not around Halloween and Thanksgiving. By the time Christmas comes now, I'm sick of hearing it.

As of right now the only reason I'm excited for Christmas is because it's the next time i should be able to go home. I'm not going home for Thanksgiving cause I'm going to work and hopefully get off for Christmas. I would rather go home for Christmas than Thanksgiving.

Bleh.

Nevermind.

Ok, so I ended up buying a costume yesterday. My attempt at finding an old prom dress to make into a witches dress failed, i didnt find anything. So I went to Wal Mart and found this Greek goddess costume and I didnt think it looked to bad. I bought a costume at Wal Mart causet it's only $20. I'll buy a cheaply made costume for $20, but not for $50.

This is what it looks like:

The head piece kinda sucks so i might find another one. Also i have to find shoes to go with it...which might be tricky cause i really dont want to wear heels.

Oh, and i decided against being a referee cause i didnt want to end up ruining my uniform for work....plus i really didnt want to be a referee for Halloween.

Thats it!