See the new picture ---->

I think my hair turned out good :). I like the bangs, but i was a little disapointed in the highlights, they are really suddle and i guess i wanted them to stand out a little more. But it's not bad.

I am not having any luck with finding a job. But, my mom talked to someone lady at family services and she is sending my mom and I something to fill out and it will apparently help us find a job. I did skip this old grocery store in downtown Washingotn, i might end up applying there. It's something. Cause I'm starting to run out of money and i still have Christmas presents to buy.

So Wednesday night was a ton of fun. Some of my friends and I went out, it was raining really bad, but it was still fun. I had a really confusing night though. All kinds of crap going through my head. I'm still a little confused but I dont want to get into details, maybe later.

My Thanksgiving was just eh. Went to my grandmas and i think this was the smallest family get together at my grandmas i've seen in a long time. I could barely eat anything, being as this was the first holiday without Kenny and I've had in awhile. And i didnt stay long, which I kinda felt bad leaving early, but yesterday just wasnt the best.

Well thats all i have for now.

A new me

A brief update, there will be a new me come tomorrow....say around 5ish?

I am getting my hair cut and highlighted tomorrow. No worries on the cutting though, im definently keeping it long, just getting a trim and.....BANGS! And like full on bangs too. I want Kate Hudsons bangs in Bride Wars:

I think there freaking cute and I'm getting them.

As for the highlights, i dont have any idea what I want to do. A friend of mine suggested caramel highlights and nothing bright. But i dont know, i kind of want to to do something different and crazy (but not extremely crazy). I've always wanted blonde and red highlights (i have brown hair). I need to figure this out by 3 tomorrow. blah.

Job hunting = no luck

So I went looking for jobs today, and had absolutley no luck. No one is hiring. Well thats not true, Target and Kohls is hiring for seasonal help. The only thing that sucks is I really dont want just a seasonal job, i'd like a job after Christmas is over. I did apply at target for the seasonal help cause i need the money for Christmas. I'm really trying to avoid Kohls, i know ive worked there before but i didnt really enjoy it that much. I was a super easy job but was really boring.

I havent been doing anything lately. This week should be a little fun. Wednesday I'm going out with some friends, its the biggest party night of the year. Then Friday I'm going with my friend Meek to try a new Thai/Japanese resturaunt. But, i'm not looking forward to Thanksgiving. I'm not looking forward to the holidays in general.

I'm starting to get really bored. I hope i find a job soon.

Dr. Pepper you will be the death of me.

I think I've had 5 Dr. Peppers today....not good.

This is the worst Friday ever. I'm super bored....It's only 9 o'clock :(. I'm watching the movie Valentine's Day, which i have seen like 4 times in the past week and still have not seen the begining. I'm so bored, i was watching Degrassi earlier....SERIOUSLY?! I have watched that crap since high school. I liked it back then but for real, it has gotten worse....it's definently high school crap.

Actually i've been bored for almost 2 weeks now...thats why i have been writing so much. Thats why it's time to find a job. I was suppose to go today with my mom (she needs a job too) but she didnt get home until like 3 so i will go Monday.

I really want to go to St. Louis tomorrow and walk around a mall or something but i dont have any money and i want to shop. I do have some money but i need to save it just in case i dont get a job as soon as possible, then i wouldnt have any money for Christmas. I hope something atleast happens tomorrow night, i cant stand staying in the house.

Oh boy.

I guess it's time to start job hunting. I'm having a hard time getting out of bed everyday, the last 2 days i havent gotten out of bed until almost 1 in the afternoon. I've been feeling like a lazy person and it makes me unhappy when I get out of bed that late, but yet again I dont do anything. So it's time to keep me busy. The only thing is I dont know if I want to get a full time, or a part time job since I'm not going to school. I think I'll just go for a part-time job.

I'm pretty possitive that I'm going to find an apartment close to campus when I start school again next fall. I really can't stand living in my parents house. As sad as that may sounds it's true. I want to have my own place again (not necessarily on my own, if someone wanted to get a place together i'd be totally up for that). Plus I'd rather be close to campus than drive an hour to school, even though it would only be 2 times a week. I just want to live in St. Louis.

I'm still not the best, thats why I've had a hard time getting out of bed lately. Chelsey, I know you said i need to start focusing on me and I'm starting to but its's still really hard.

Guess who drove 2 1/2 hours yesterday to Springfield?

This girl did.

So heres what I had planned:
I was going to go to Springfield this weekend and lay everything out there, do the whole romantic movie thing and do everything i could to get him back. But then he called me Monday night and I've became really worried about him. So I woke up Tuesday, got dressed, packed a bag just in case, got in my car and drove. I went down there because i was worried about him and wanted to see him, and I thought he might like a visit. I went back in forth in my head on weither i should try and get him back, and I was going to do it....but i didnt.

I brought it up while we were talking just to see what he would say, and he said it would have made everything akward and he eventually said it wouldnt be the right time. So I had apparently missed it. To me honest, i thought just me showing up spur of the moment would have been really romantic, but i guess it wasnt. Sure I had played out in my head that maybe he would come running to me and kiss me or something, but I knew that wouldnt happen. He ended up leaving around 8:30 to go to this study group with the club he is in....and i drove 2 1/2 hours back home.

Luckily, he was really suprised and liked the visit. When i left I felt a super embarrased and dumb, but he said I shouldnt be and that it was really nice to see me. I was also embarrased thinking he might ask me to stay the night... but I didnt tell him that.

I just cant believe that that was it, nothing happened. But I did want to make sure he was ok, I care about him to much not to.

Really...nothing yet?

I cant believe I havent heard from you yet....I seriously thought I would have heard from you by now....but no nothing. No call, no text, not even a message on facebook or messenger.

I'm dieing to talk to you, i figured you would be too. Who knows maybe you are, i just thought you would actually talk to someone if your dieing to do it and if you miss them and love them.

I'm sure some people are thinking why dont you just talk to him? Well I feel like its's his turn to talk to me. But it seriously driving me crazy that he hasnt said anything to me.

I cant help but think thats he is ok. That him telling me that he was going to miss me, crying and saying he's never going to see me again was all an act, that he was actually happy for me to be gone. I'm sure he's not ok, but i still have these thoughts in my head. I'm also driving myself crazy wondering what he is doing, who's he with, whats he thinking?

I know with time it will pass....but i seriously have lost the love of my life and my best friend. I want him back more than anyone knows. I really dont think i'm going to find anyone as good as him, i feel like if we never get back together that i'll have to settle on someone who's 2nd best.

I'm sorry for all this sappy sad stuff, but i'm afraid this is all everyone going to get for awhile.