ATTENTION ANYONE WHO FOLLOWS MY BLOG!!

So i ended up making a new blog (sorry Chelsey, i know this seems to be happening a lot). But i got a new email address and its getting really annoying singing out of new email address which is a Gmail account and signing into my blogger with another email account so my new blog address is:

anincompletemess.blogspot.com

If you still want to follow along with me please subscribe!!

Im done.

It's time to give up, but im having such a hard time doing it.

I called him today cause i needed to talk to him about something (i dont want to mention it on here) cause he was the only one i knew to talk to, and then i got into talking about the past 2 weeks. I just needed to get things off of my chest about him leading me on. He actually got upset and said "i thought you thought higher of me". He told me he didnt mean to but he needs to watch what he says to me. He knows im still not over him and who says "call me sometime, i had fun" after a night of hanging out when your seeing someone else? Thats not cool.

It's seriously hard and so weird for him to be completly out of my life. I asked him what he thought, he said it was weird but he didnt really seem to care. He told me he'll always love me and care about me, but i seriously think thats not the case anymore. I dont feel it what so ever.

School is hard to keep up with lately since all this happened, but im trying. I'm going home this weekend and going to the doctor, im hoping after that I will get better. I've been told it will be, but im nervous it wont.

I would love to start dating again, but i dont know anyone around here and dating websites arent really my cup of tea. They make me a little nervous.

This week needs to be over, and the roads need to be clear by Friday.

I'm so sick of this.

So I am so tired of Kenny misleading me, he has done it 3 times now. I am right back to where i started....i'm back to the way i was and was feeling when we first broke up.

So here what happened. Since he told me about him and this girl, i thought they hadnt seen each other since about 2 weeks ago. He was talking to me in class more, we were having good conversations. Last Friday I was heading over to his apartment to give him my notebook cause he had missed class and he suggested meeting at Chiptole cause he was hungry. So we met there and had dinner. After we ate we spent an hour and a half sitting there and talking. When we left I was a bit suprised he didnt ask to hang out (guess that should have been a hint). But he was going to Borders and I told him i was suprised he didnt ask to hang out, and he said that he thought id ask to go to borders with him. So that made me think, "hey, he doesnt want to hang out with me more", so i went to Borders with him. After Borders we parted ways which i was suprised again that he didnt ask to hang out at one of our apartments or something. Then when we left he said "You should call me sometime, i had fun"....i guess i felt like if he was still seeing someone he wouldnt have said that. So then Thursday I had plans to go out, i hadnt heard from her so i texted Kenny. I thought he might be nice and invite me out with him and his friends just to be nice. I ended up going out with my friend and got a little drunk, i sent him a fun text and he ignored it. So the next day in class I asked him about it, and he said he didnt think about it and that he was with some people. I also asked him why he wasnt nice and asked me to come out with him and his friends. And he said...."I would have but the girl i told you about was with us and i figured you wouldnt want to be there". WOW. I was stunned, i asked him if he was still seeing her and he said yes.

I was so pissed and hurt all at the same time. When he would tell me about his weekends, he made it sound like he was at his apartment alone doing nothing...but no she was with him. I told him about something I had done that i thought he would be jealous about....and it didnt phase him at all. I think thats what got me the most....cause that means he really has nothing left for me. I couldnt believe wasnt just a little upset.

The next day I got on facebook and he had a song lyric as his status that was of course about her....and immediatly deleted him. I cant stand seeing that stuff, especially when those status use to be about me. I had bagged up some things he got me, and when i went to work i threw them away, i was going to donate them but i was mad/upset. He has a picture fram that i left at the apartment cause it had a picture of me and him in it and i thought it might make him miss me when he saw it (is that bad?). I told him I want it back, texted him today and we got into a fight over a table I had left him. All i wanted was to see if he would be concerned for me and I wanted to talk to someone and he was the one i wanted to talk to.

I just dont know why I am the one who is still hurting. He moved on so quickly....and i'm so shocked. I think i moved back to Springfield to soon....i think i should have stayed in Union. I dont know anyone down here and i have a hard time making friends.

Chelsey how did you do it?

I've got the blues, the reds and the pinks...

Can you finish that lyric? lol its how i feel.

I'm so sick of seeing hearts and red and pink and bears and blah, blah, blah. I'm seriously dredding Valentines day. I'm seriously considering going home, I want to see my family and my friends really bad. The only thing about my friends though....none of them are single. So i have a feeling they will be with their signifigant others. Atleast i would have my family, i guess.

Kenny and I have been talking more. One thing i enjoy is that he we dont immediatly part ways after walking to the next building I have class in, we stand and talk a bit. This past Friday was nice because we met up at Chipotle so i could give him the notes from class he missed. We had dinner and sat and talked for almost 2 hours, then went to Borders. I was a bit suprised we didnt hang out more that night but oh well. I feel like he wants to hang out more...if thats true he needs to make the move, not me.

Pretty much all I've done is work and school. I havent done anything the past 2 weekends, i just come home and do nothing. I'm starting to get a bit down because of that, it just keeps reminding me I dont have friends. I thought I'd be going out a friend from work this Thursday, but i dont think we will since she has decided to go out of town this weekend.

Bleh.

Oh yeah, thats coming up.

So today it really hit me that Valentines day is in a couple of weeks. The thing im most worried about is the weekend before since Valentines day is on a Monday this year. I dont know if im going to be able to handle that weekend by myself. I really dont want to spend it alone, right now im thinking about going home for the weekend but im not sure if that will really help. I think all i'll have is my parents that weekend, which isnt bad but i would really like to spend it with my friends. I want to go out that weekend. One friend has a boyfriend which she will probably be spending that weekend with him, and my other friend will have her son that weekend. The actual day of Valentines day i will have class with him. Thats probably going to be really hard too.

I wish i had someone to spend Valentines day with, i loved having someone to spend it with the last 3 years and now im alone again. I'm not one of those people who hate Valentines day and spend the whole day being mad and pissed off. But im down during the day and i feel lonely, but i try really hard not to show it.

Theres a snow storm heading to Springfield, it's not suppose to start until midnight but i really hope that it amounts to something. I'm just having a really hard time with school this semester. I already droped a class, but i droped it because i didnt like the teacher. She was having us pretty much teach the class and i dont like that, it just seems to lazy to me.

Hoping for lots of snow.

Alone.

This weekend was miserable. It made me feel so lonely and made me realize again that I have no friends down here. All I did was work and come home, how sad huh?

My mom keeps telling me I need to make friends, and trust me I want to but I have a hard time meeting new people when I'm by myself. I am very shy and I have a hard time being social. When I am with my friends and I meet new people that way its easier for me. My friends that I had here in Springfield were Kenny's friends, but it was easy for me to talk to them and I liked them but of course they were his friends so I dont see them anymore.

I have a ton of reading to catch up on for school. I didnt read at all the first week of school, i just had a hard time coping and couldnt concentrate on school work. I dont work today so I'll hopefully do it today. I also have a paper due Wednesday and I have no clue what to wrtie for that. I mean we have questions that we pretty much answer, but I'm stumped.

So some weird reason, i really thought I would hear from him this weekend, even just chatting on MSN...but no, nothing.

Meh.

So I've finished my first week of classes and let me tell ya, this week was a freaking nightmare. I still have one class with Kenny, and I was miserable this whole week. I've barely said anything to him this week except for yesterday. We walked together and I talked a little bit more, but not much. The only thing I liked about this week was being at work, atleast there I am around people.

I'm still not use to this whole living alone thing. I tried to sleep in my bed Wednesday night and that didnt work out at all. I maybe slept 2 hours, i swear I didnt fall asleep at all. I still miss having someone to come home to....now all I have is an empty apartment to come home to.

So the weight loss thing is coming along, slowly though. I've been drinking a lot less soda, excpet I had had a little to much this week. I think I've had 5, but a couple of those days I hardly had any sleep and I needed it cause I was at work. I'm pretty sure I'm starting to loose inches before pounds. I can tell I'm loosing weight cause my clothes are fitting much looser, but when i weight myself it tells me i've only lost like 5 pounds. I'm also eating less than i use to which is helping.

Well I havent really been doing much so thats all I have to say i guess.